30 Things to Do Before I Turn 30

Date of Completion: April 2010

Now, this is not something I ever planned or even really ever wanted to do… but I got a desperate text message from one of my dear friends one day inquiring as to my Saturday plans and could I maybe help her out? She works at the local gardens (I shall not name names to preserve her anonymity, BUT, I guess they made it to CNN the other day because this summer they are hosting the LARGEST GNOME IN THE UNITED STATES, second largest in the world. It was supposed to be the largest in the world but Poland snuck in there and got all bigger-gnomey in secret and by then, our gnome was already half constructed. Still, it’s going to be awesome) and they were having their Easter event with an egg hunt and, well, Easter Bunnies. Of which she got roped into wearing the suit. Which is too hot for one person to wear continuously for three hours. Would I help out and trade shifts? Pretty please?

Once I got done giggling, I kind of shrugged and asked for more info. And then she said the magic words: “and you can blog about it!”

Now, friends, who am I to pass up excellent blog material? Exactly.

So, Saturday morning, with mixed levels of enthusiasm, I made my way to the Gardens and thus began our adventure. For the first hour I was her escort/bodyguard to make sure she didn’t run into any walls or accidentally ignore any adoring children. Then: it was my turn.

Any excitement I’d had that was rooted solely in morbid curiosity, evaporated.

I was going to suck at this! And I was going to disillusion an entire generation of kids! And I was probably going to fall down! And suffocate!

She made me put on the suit.

It wasn’t… horrible. It was toasty in there, but we managed to go outside for the egg hunt so there was a nice breeze and it was a mercifully cloudy day. I spent an hour waving at kids, pretending to hop, and getting awkward hugs from some small children who wouldn’t let go for ages and another one who awkwardly stroked the side of my thigh. You’ll notice the theme of “awkward.” I also only made one little girl shriek in fear, so, you know. That’s pretty good.

My hour was up and my friend donned the suit again and after we did our time, we went to lunch to celebrate our triumph of Not Dying. We could not fathom how people would voluntarily do this, nay, WANT to do this – apparently it’s a BIG DEAL to be our college mascot and people compete for it and it’s this big thing and all we could think was, whyyyyyyy.

Also, I was absurdly sore the next day or two. My legs were screaming at me every time I tried to move. I guess I didn’t realize how often I was squatting down to be at kid-height. So, you know. Mascot suits are excellent exercise.

So there you have it. Something I never would have done on my own and would likely never do again, but I’m glad I did it and had the experience. The end.